So here’s the deal. I have been sorta-in-between the wanting to write and scared to write stages right now. Ever since I did a revamp and relaunched this blog, I have blogged a record-breaking (insert sarcasm) 12 times in one and a half months, eight times in October and four times (so far) this month. My initial goal was to blog at least three times a week, every week. So you can say I fell short in achieving that goal.
It’s not for lack of wanting, believe me. I have a calendar of topics to write. I carve time to write everyday (well, hey, it’s my job). Oftentimes, I open WordPress, type in a title, freeze, read other articles, come up with new topics I want to write about, go back to WordPress and then get this feeling – should I write about? Is this even important? Will this work?
Have you gone through the same thing?
Please let me know I’m not the only one going through this!
I guess I am suffering from what Kathleen of Braid Creative calls a dilemna in blending one’s personal and professional side. See, I started blogging again to be able to showcase my writing skills and slowly build up my portfolio in layout design again (I was offering it back then but I never aggressively advertised it). I also found that I needed an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings. It’s a way to let me figure things out in hindsight. It’s a great way to document our stories. It’s also a way to help me find my tribe – people who are creatives like me, moms who are like me, women going through the same phase in life like me. But since I wanted it to showcase my professional side, I feared of getting personal too. (Will my boss read this? What will she think of me?)
As you can see, I was confused and overwhelmed. How do I merge everything? Should I just create a new professional site? (My inner voice would then say, “Why in the hell should you do that? You can’t even keep up with one in the first place!”).
Until Kathleen wrote this line and it spoke to me:
“most creatives want to live authentically and aligned – they crave creative cohesion and know in their bones that blending the personal and professional, online and off, would make them feel well… authentic and aligned.”
So yeah, screw the paranoia.
I am just going to write.
The struggle is part of the story.
I still crave for that magical, heartwarming, heart-wrenching posts that seem to come out of nowhere. I’ve written those before. I want to write like that again, I know I can do it – you know, the posts that just seamlessly and effortlessly get put together? Well, it wasn’t without effort. Looking back, I knew I was able to get to that point because I was blogging consistently and I wasn’t writing for anyone else but me. It still required work and effort (blogging is hard work – don’t be fooled that it’s fun!) Now it’s different and I struggle. But yes, the struggle is part of the story.
And as Jeff Goins so eloquently said:
No matter how much I think I will learn how to write, I will always be happiest writing from what’s the most authentic place in me – my heart. Don’t be scared to write from your heart.
Probably nothing. I’m just throwing this out there, hoping to reach out to fellow creatives like me who struggle to blend their sides together.
I am reminded today that this – blogging – is not really a competition. It’s not a race. I’m not in this to be popular. I’m in this to be authentic, to be real, and like how I’ve carved out in the beginning – I’m here to tell my story.
So what am I going to do then?
I think. I write. I blog. And I will still blog with my heart on every word I write.
Because that’s just me. I am every post I will write. This is my story.